Adventures in BS Training
by fanfixicated
Summary: The flock during one of their unwritten days at everyone's favorite Maximum Ride location-B.S. Training!


**This is my first fanfic. It's set in The Final Warning, during one of the days of B.S. "Training". Without further ado...**

**Oh wait-Disclaimer: I am not a 63 year old man. (Thank God!) Therefore, I do not claim to be James Patterson.**

* * *

"Let's see how much you can handle!" Lieutenant Dirk barked as we walked into the gym.

My jaw clenched as I remembered the last person to say that to me. I cleared any thoughts of whitecoats out of my head as we stood in the gym. Showtime, I thought.

Lieutenant Dirk looked us all up and down. "Lets start with you, Goth kid, front and center!" he said.

We all looked at Fang. Then Gazzy took a step forward, hanging his head in shame as if he was used to being stereotyped as such.

I suppressed a smile as Lieutenant Dirk took in the irony of Gazzy's beach-blonde hair and sky blue eyes.

"Not you, smart-ass." Lieutenant Dirk said. "You."

This time, Fang stepped forward, looking bored, like this was just an ordinary day for him.

"You think you're so tough, with your punk hair," Lieutenant Dirk said. "Give me twenty!"

'Twenty what?" Fang asked. "Dollars or hugs? 'Cause I don't have any money and I don't do the whole man-hug thing."

"No offence," I added in. "I'm sure you're a nice enough person, Fang just doesn't go there. But you could try Angel."

Angel spread out her arms for a hug. "Come on, you know you want to," she said in a singsong voice.

"I don't want to hug _either _of you!" Lieutenant Dirk shouted.

"Well, fine," Angel huffed, crossing her arms. "I didn't want to hug you. You probably smell, anyways."

I patted Angel on the back. "It's okay," I told her. "It was a nice gesture."

"You think you're all so funny," Lieutenant Dirk barked, glaring at all of us before homing in on Fang. "Drop and give me _thirty _push-ups!"

"Oh, push-ups," Gazzy said. "That makes _so _much more sense."

With a smirk, Fang leaned over and started doing push-ups.

When he got to twenty, Lieutenant Dirk's face got tight, and when Fang made it to thirty push-ups, Lieutenant Dirk said, "Don't stop until I say so!"

I rolled my eyes. Here we go, I thought.

As interesting as watching Fang do push-ups was, it was more fun to watch our friend Lieutenant Dirk's face. Every time Fang did another ten push-ups, his face took on a whole new level of anger. But even that got boring once Fang hit seventy.

Luckily, after that he got up, stretching his arms back and forth. Right as Lieutenant Dirk started to say "I didn't say you could-" Fang dropped to the floor and started doing one handed push-ups as if the last seventy had just been warm-ups.

Gazzy let out a sigh, not even trying to hide his boredom.

"Maxxx!" Gazzy whined. "While Fang does push-ups can we go use some of the machines? Please?"

I hesitated. Since the lieutenant was still watching Fang for any signs of tiring, I answered, "Okay," and quickly added in, "But-"

Gazzy groaned.

"There's only one but," I assured him, "But it's a big one."

A smile crossed Iggy's face.

Once I realized what I'd said, I tried to look annoyed. "Really, Iggy, really?" I asked him.

Iggy shrugged his shoulders. "It's the simple things in life," he admitted, then turned his head sideways, trying not to let me see the smile on his face.

"Anyway," I said, turning back to Gazzy. "Don't break anything. Got it?"

Gazzy nodded, but Iggy shrugged. "I don't know, Max, that's a pretty big but."

I ignored that. "Be gentle on this stuff. It's not made for us. We can't afford to fix anything if you break it. Got it?" I asked.

"Okay," said Angel as she went to a treadmill.

"I think I'm going to go lift some weights," Iggy said.

"Cool, I'll spot you," Gazzy told him. "The weights are at ten 'o' clock," he instructed Iggy.

"Remember the rule!" I called after them, "Wait two hours after you eat before benching a car."

"Yes, mother," Iggy said as he laid back on the bench.

"I think that's for swimming," Gazzy said as he adjusted the weights.

"You can't lift cars in swimming, Gazzy." Angel said in a 'duh' voice.

"You want to bet?" Gazzy asked defiantly.

"This is getting nowhere right now," I said, interrupting their argument. "However, when we go swimming in the ocean tonight, Gaz, you'll have to put your money where you're mouth is."

"I accept the challenge!" Gazzy said in an announcer's voice.

"We have to set some standards here," Iggy said, starting with fifty pound disks on each side. "What kind of car are we talking about? Like a Volkswagen Beetle or are we talking-"

"Stop your incessant chatter NOW!" Lieutenant Dirk bellowed. "You will not speak unless spoken to. Understand?"

"Are you speaking to me?" Gazzy asked, confused.

"No, he's talking to _me_," Angel objected. "I was the one who was incess-tan-tally chattering," she said, tripping over her words.

"He's talking to me." Iggy said. "He's looking right at me."

I rolled my eyes. "He's _clearly _talking to Fang, guys," I said, poking Fang with my shoe.

Everyone glanced back at Fang, having completely forgotten he was still there, much less, still doing push-ups.

"Hmm?" Fang huffed, probably nearing a hundred by now.

"Don't try to catch up, Fang," I said. "This whole conversation is over your head."

Everyone let out a groan. "That's cheesy, Max, even for you." Iggy said.

"I am not cheesy!" I protested. "Right, Angel?"

"No comment," she said, keeping her gaze on the blinking red heart meter on her machine.

"Gazzy?" I asked.

"Like a mouse," Gazzy said. Iggy laughed and they fist-bumped.

"That doesn't even make sense, guys!" I complained. I turned to Fang, my last hope. "I'm not cheesy, right?"

"Well," Fang said, stalling, "Oh! Look at the time!" Fang shot a quick glance at his wrist.

"You don't even have a watch!" I said. "Even if you did have one, you probably couldn't even read it!"

"Now that is just hurtful," Fang said, pausing mid-push up to stare me straight in the eye. But I couldn't help thinking that he was holding back a smirk.

"Dude, the lieutenant's about _explode_," Gazzy interrupted, staring at him.

Lieutenant Dirk was turning a shade of red that no human being should ever experience.

"Take cover!" Angel shouted, wrapping her hands over her head, while still keeping up her pace on the treadmill.

"Come on, guys, we're getting distracted," I told them. "Get back to your 'training'," I said, putting air quotes around it.

"Training," Iggy scoffed as Gazzy added more weights.

I looked back down at Fang who was still going strong, no surprise, and after looking over all the equipment, I chose a punching bag.

"See ya," I said to the flock as I stepped over Fang and headed for it.

I started out with some of the more basic martial arts moves that Jeb had taught us.

I worked continually for more than an hour probably, before realizing that everyone else had switched equipment. Lieutenant Dirk had finally given up on Fang who had retired to weight lifting. Iggy was now on the elliptical, and Angel had given her treadmill to Gazzy so she could ride the stationary bike. Nudge was... Nudge was doing nothing. Because Nudge wasn't here.

She was in _stupid _New Mexico going to a _stupid _school instead of being with her _awesome _family, being part of _my _flock.

I punched the bag harder with each realization, with so much force the last time that the bag flew to the ceiling. It hit with such a thud that everyone turned to face me.

Iggy smiled. "Now who's breaking things?"

"It's not broken," I said defiantly, looking at the now slightly misshapen punching bag. "It's just...deformed a little."

Iggy snorted. "I'm sure," he said sarcastically. "And I'm just a _little _blind."

"And I can only knock out people a _little _with my scent," Gazzy added.

Lieutenant Dirk, who had given up any attempt of order or sanity a long time ago, continued making notes on his clipboard.

"What'cha writing?" Angel asked him, popping up behind him.

"None of your business," Lieutenant Dirk shot back.

"Are you drawing pictures of us?" Angel asked earnestly.

"Draw me like this," Gazzy said, flexing his arms.

Angel jumped up, punching her fist into the air. "I want my picture just like this," she instructed him. "Make sure to keep me up in air, like on the High School Musical poster."

Angel waited for about ten seconds before tugging on his arm. "Come on, let me see," she pleaded. Lieutenant Dirk kept on writing without giving Angel a glance. "No. This is for authorized personnel only,"

"What, am I not special enough to see it?" Angel asked indignantly.

Lieutenant Dirk paused for a moment, locking eyes with Angel with a death glare that wouldn't hold itself against any of our own. "Frankly, no," he said, then got back to work.

"Fine, whatever," Angel said, holding up her hands, "Good luck with your idea of superiority," she muttered, quoting her favorite movie, _Horton Hears A Who_.

Lieutenant Dirk obviously didn't get the quote. It was the last straw for him. "You will not talk to me in that disrespectful tone!" Lieutenant Dirk screamed at her. Already, the rest of the flock was on their feet, making their way to Lieutenant Dirk and Angel.

"_Don't _talk to her like that," Fang said steely, as he started closing in on Lieutenant Dirk.

Lieutenant Dirk didn't even notice. "I've had enough of your utter stupidity today!"

We were all ready to deck this guy with blind fury, not even making note of the fact that he'd just said 'utter'.

Then Angel did the most unimaginable thing. Her face dropped and her eyes welled up with tears. Before I could even begin to wonder why, I heard a loud voice behind Lieutenant Dirk.

"What is going on, Lieutenant?"

Lieutenant Dirk whipped around. "Captain Spencer," Lieutenant Dirk managed to stutter out.

"I just wanted to see the picture he was drawing," Angel whimpered. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble."

"I was just-" Lieutenant Dirk stuttered, but the captain cut him off. "Just what? Harassing this poor little girl? That is not the kind of behavior we allow from our captains. I'll deal with you in my office. Now."

The captain turned around and bent his knees so he was at eye level with Angel as Lieutenant Dirk left. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Angel wiped one of her palms over her eyes. "I think I'll be okay now," she said.

He smiled. "You'd make a great soldier," he said, tucking Angel's curls behind her ear.

Then he stood up. "You've all done a lot of work today. Why don't you guys go to the cafeteria and get lunch?"

"Yes, sir!" Gazzy shouted, saluting just like he'd seen in _so _many army movies.

The captain, with a glint of a smile, saluted back at Gazzy. "At ease, soldier," he instructed him. "Report to the mess hall!"

Gazzy hesitated in his path to the door. "Permission to pee first, sir?" he asked after a few seconds of thought.

"_Gazzy!_" I fussed.

Now Captain Spencer really cracked a smile. "Permission granted."

"Max, I like this one," Gazzy whispered as he passed me while marching. I smiled.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" The captian asked Angel, his eyes full of concern.

She nodded, making all her curls bounce.

"Thanks," I told Captain Spencer as I passed him, scooping up Angel. The remainder of the flock followed Gazzy out the door to the cafeteria.

"That was fun," Angel said enthusiastically. "Can we go back to their playground after lunch?"

I shrugged. "Maybe after lunch," I agreed.

* * *

**I'm not going to waste time telling you to review; if you will, you will, me telling you to (or offering you virtual sweets to) really isn't going to make a difference.**

**However, if you liked it, leave me a review and tell me that and I'll try to put up another story soon. If you hated it so much that your eyes started to bleed or that you had an insane need to rip out your own hair, I must inform you there has been a mistake and that this story is supposed to be posted by maximumFANGirl. ;)**

**Oh, and shoutout to i-love-fnick, because her love of _Horton Hears A Who _inspired me to write in the quote above.**

**Also a shoutout to maximumFANGirl for her totally random quote for Gazzy: "Like a mouse" and other advice.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**


End file.
